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Gifts : Mothers Reflect on How Children with Down Syndrome Enrich Their Lives

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ever think you have just lost yourself?

I do. I feel I have so much on my plate with work (meaningless right now), supporting tri21/IDSF with the parent network or otherwise, with Nash, my trying to balance work and home, and somehow always losing balance with my wonderful husband who is always trying to keep things in place for us. And I feel that is MY job. And I am not doing it well at all.

My loss of feeling of family since my dad died (my side isn't too close), friends (I have some wonderful friends I need to keep connected with), work (a job I hate lately), life (finding the purpose, my purpose), I need to find it all again in 2008. I feel so torn, and have no focus.

I have gained at least 30 lbs in the last 3 years since I returned to work which I need to lose for my health, and for MY family, and for ME.

So yes, I will join the mindless numbers of New Years Resolutions to regain the M in ME.

I have to. I really feel Annette's loss and can't imagine Nash losing me. I know Annette did nothing that attributed to her synovial sarcoma. But her death has made me realize I have many vices to change for me, and for Nash. In memory of Annette and how she was there for her boys, for Tom, always.

I have to.

Do I have your support?

14 comments:

Jeanne and Joshua said...

You've got my support - I need to do the very same thing.

AZ Chapmen said...

You have my support Jan


lots of cyber hugs

az

~Melissa~ said...

You definitely have my support - and really I'm going to be right there with you in your efforts.

Kei said...

So many times in my life I have felt like I've lost 'me', and many times I have put myself on the back burner. After my mom died I realized just how important it was, not just for my family, but for me too, to put my health back into focus. The loss of Annette put even more clarity in my life.

You have our support Jan, and you have my number if you need to talk.

Love ya bunches!

luvmypeanut said...

I've been feeling much the same way. Annette's death has affected me in many different ways and I too feel that I need to improve upon myself - be a better mom, wife, co-worker, friend (both IRL and online) and overall member of the human race.

You have my support, understanding, empathy and a shoulder if you need it!!!

Luv ya girlfriend!

Nicole said...

I'm with you sister! I love you, Nicole

Chewy Mom said...

You have my support, too Jan! Hugs, friend!!!

Tammy and Parker said...

Not only do you have my support, but you have just put to words exactly what I have been feeling the last several months.

Beth said...

You have my support, too and I will be joining you in your efforts.

mum2brady said...

I'm with ya, Jan! Let me know how I can help.

Love ya!

Pam said...

You know you have my support. I have felt the same way since our lives were abruptly turned around last year.

I told Andy last night that I felt like we were living in a snowglobe and every once in a while someone would come by and shake things up just to see what would happen. I don't know who I am or what I am supposed to be doing anymore.

Hell, I don't even work, and I feel like I am not supporting my family and keeping them together the way I should.

So yes my friend, you have my support, and I am sending you all of the hugs and loves I can.

Kris said...

Yes, yes and YES! I feel the same as you do, my priorities somehow got all messed up. I think we forget ourselves quiete easily as we care for others. I am with you girl and I think it would be fun to get together this summer again.

Mauzy said...

thank you all! I have established a weight loss plan, have started exercising, cut down on my wine (the hardest!) and are going to put positive people in my life!

hugs to you all!

Mauzy said...

that would be AM going to put positive people in my life...

hee hee